To: [email protected]
Subject: my compilation of Stuart tributes
From: Charles Cameron 
Date: Tue, 11 Mar 1997 09:05:04 -0900

Walter:

This post contains your announcement of Stuart's death to the Psyber-L
community, and all the responses which I received via Psyber-L from Dream
Event members -- together with Josh and Fritz' posts, which also seemed to
me to be peculiarly appropriate to such a compilation.

If you do put it up on the web, please feel free to add other Psyber-L
posts -- or to delete those from Josh and Fritz -- and in general to edit
etc as you see fit.

Best,

--
Charles
Charles Cameron 
*
hipbone games: http://idt.net/~davehuge/
mirror site: http://home.earthlink.net/~hipbone/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Date:         Sat, 1 Mar 1997 08:43:20 GMT
From: Walter Logeman 
Subject:      Stuart
To: [email protected]

All,

My good friend Stuart died today.  He was in his late forties. He had
cancer, and has been fading for some time, and has been unconscious (or so
it would  seem) for the last few days. He died at home while being cared
for by his 2 sisters.   I spent a few hours there today before he died, and
am grateful for that.

Some of you may know him from the DreamEvent. He has been a more active
participant in Psybernet than may be evident from the archives on the net.
He was actively present here in the days the list was sent from a BBS on
fidonet, and also in one or two other projects here.

I have known Stuart since 1980 when we met on a personal development
weekend group.  Since then we have been friends, colleagues, and house
mates for a year, when he and his partner, Steve, lived in this house.

The most acute grief I felt today was the thought of erasing his hard disk.
He asked me ages ago if I would do this.  I will, and also close his
internet account, and I will unsub him from this list.  We were friends in
rl and that counts for a lot!  We had many wonderful conversations,
parties, movies, and groups and a variety of meetings.  A cherished
connection for me with Stuart was here, in psyberspace.  He was one of the
few people where I connected in both ways, it was a delight to be able to
speak face to face about the events here!  It was one way too that I learnt
that silence is not always absence.

It feels very sad to erase all his letters and posts from his disk.  As I
cry at the thought of doing that, Kate  reminds me that I have copies of
everything he wrote to me, and his other friends will already have what
they want.  It feels right to do that final job for him, and I feel
honoured to do it.  Strangely enough this post will be sent to him!

There is only one post from him in the current L-soft archive and I thought
of quoting some of it here, but it makes more sense to view the whole post.
Here is the URL to it.  I hope it works.

http://home.ease.lsoft.com/scripts/wa.exe?A2=ind9608&L=psyber-l&O=T&P=1338

Thanks Stuart, and goodbye

Love,

Walter

Walter Logeman          [email protected]
http://www2.chch.planet.org.nz/~walter/welcome.htm

***

Date:         Fri, 28 Feb 1997 14:15:01 -0500
From: Stephen Calhoun 
Subject:      Re: Stuart
To: [email protected]

Walter, all,

I resist the temptation to hate the inevitable. My heart is heavy today
with a sensing of your loss Walter.

The *big* dialogues in our life are few and often difficult to sustain but
you two did, yes!

My own memory of Stuart is a glimpse, but he seemed to be in the background
in a deep way for the dream group.

*

Four Haiku (by Santoka Taneda) for Stuart and Walter and all of us who must
carry on...

*



                Hailstones, too,

                Enter my begging bowl.





                                                Since we parted,

                                                Every day snow falls.




        Even the sound of the raindrops

        Has grown older




                                        Mountains I'll never see again

                                        fade in the distance.


*

mash'llah rahim-i'llah

HooN

***

Date: Fri, 28 Feb 1997 14:27:04 -0900
To: PSYBER
From: Charles Cameron 
Subject: Re: Stuart

Walter, friends and players from the Dream Event, subscribers to Psyber-L, all:

Walter writes:

> My good friend Stuart died today ...
> Some of you may know him from the DreamEvent...

The post from Stuart that Walter referenced for us contains a remark which
sent me on my own trail of reflections:

> I spent some of yesterday pottering in the garden, thinking of
> nothing in particular, totally absorbed in the business of the
> activity, then unobtrusively, thoughts of the future and past
> blended in with the experience...

I know Stuart from the Dream Event, which involved a small group of us --
many from this list -- posting our dreams, commenting on them, and drawing
forth from the whole a "Glass Bead Game" in which ideas and images, like
melodies, echoed and wove around each other to create a virtual music.

Hermann Hesse, who originated the idea of a Glass Bead Game in his novel of
that title, used to play a simple form of the Game while raking leaves in
his garden and burning them.  He describes doing this in his poem, "Hours
in the Garden", and Stuart's "pottering in the garden" calls Hesse's poem
to mind:

::  Within me, my thoughts begin to play
::  A game, an exercise I have practiced for many years.
::  It is called the Glass Bead Game, a charming invention
::  Whose framework is music, whose basis is meditation.
::  Joseph Knecht is the Master to whom I owe my knowledge
::  Of this lovely fantasia.  In happy times it's a game
::  That delights me; in troubled times it is consolation,
::  Helping me reflect; here, by the fire, by the sieve I often
::  Play the Glass Bead Game, though not nearly as well as Knecht.
::  While the cone towers up and the earth-meal runs out of the sieve,
::  And, as soon as required, my right hand mechanically
::  Tends the smoking stack or again fills the sieve with fresh earth,
::  While from the stable the tall flower-suns hold me in their gaze,
::  And behind the tangle of grapevines the distance smells noon-blue,
::  I hear music and see men of the past and the future.
::  Wise men and poets and scholars and artists, all of one mind,
::  Building the hundred-gated cathedral of the spirit...

Pottering in the garden, then, thinking of nothing in particular, thoughts
of the future and past blending in with the experience...  men of the past
and future, wise men and poets and scholars and artists...

There is a beautiful paragraph in Hermann Melville's novel *Mardi*, in
which Melville describes his own visits with the men of the past and the
future, poets and scholars and artists, in a reverie of this same kind:

::  In me, many worthies recline, and converse.  I list to St. Paul
::  who argues the doubts of Montaigne; Julian the Apostate cross-
::  questions Augustine: and Thomas-a-Kempis unrolls his old black
::  letters for all to decipher.  Zeno murmurs maxims beneath the
::  hoarse shout of Democritus; and though Democritus laugh loud
::  and long, and the sneer of Pyrrho be seen; yet, divine Plato, and
::  Proclus, and Verulam are of my counsel; and Zoroaster
::  whispered me before I was born...  My memory is a life beyond
::  birth; my memory, my library of the Vatican, its alcoves all
::  endless perspectives, eve-tinted by cross-lights from Middle-Age
::  oriels...

...all of which brings me to a dream which Stuart posted to the Dream
Event, in which he too hears music and meets with one of the departed wise:

::  I found myself in a large glasshouse something of the size and
::  grandeur of what I imagine the Crystal Palace might have been. I
::  was walking round a path that followed the curve of the glass
::  walls, and had a four inch high border round the edge.  There
::  was a sense of the planting being well cared for and I was aware
::  of the delicate texture of the palm fronds that hung out over the
::  concrete path around me.  The glass ceiling seemed much higher
::  than the level the plants had grown to and the individual panes of
::  glass seemed to be faceted around the edge. There was a sense of
::  lightness and delicacy about the whole environment and
::  everything was illuminated with a brightness that almost leached
::  the colour from the plants.

::  I walked along the path and came upon a man sitting at a
::  harpsichord whom I instantly recognised as Handel. What I
::  remember was a sense of joy mixed with awe as I listened to the
::  wonderful music he was playing. There was a sense that he was
::  kindly disposed towards me and liked the fact that I was there
::  listening.

*

Shortly after learning his cancer diagnosis, Stuart said -- and this is
beyond doubt the comment I most treasure of all those that friends have
made to me about the Dream Event and my own attempts to formulate playable
Glass Bead Games:

> I have been thinking about why I am so drawn to what is
> happening here. It seems to be that this might be a game that
> consciousness can play with itself irrespective of its containment
> in a body. A propos pour moi a ce moment.

And there you have it: a play of consciousness, transcending death, and yet
most human -- and suffused with music.

I weep, now, writing this, for the beauty in Stuart Currie which I have
seen in his words on this screen, and now possess.  I shall play for him,
now, Handel's "Arrival of the Queen of Sheba" from Solomon, which was
played at my own wedding, and Thomas Tallis' beautiful motet, "Spem in
Alium Numquam Habui", which he loved.

And I raise a toast here to Stuart, in company with Mary Lynn, Walter and
Walter, Marie, James and Jim, Hoon, Anita, Robert, Susan, Jurek, Marcella,
David, Jill, Is'e...

Walter, you must of course miss him terribly.  This is a very sad day for
me too, but nonetheless wonderful: because without the man being the human
treasure that he was, there would be no grounds for such sadness.

To Stuart, then: departed, gone, gone -- and yet present.

For as William Butler Yeats says in his own poem "Under Ben Bulben":

::                Though grave-diggers' toil is long,
::                Sharp their spades, their muscles strong,
::                They but thrust their buried men
::                Back into the human mind again.

Much love always, and particularly now...

--
Charles
Charles Cameron 
*
hipbone games: http://idt.net/~davehuge/
mirror site: http://home.earthlink.net/~hipbone/

***

Date:         Fri, 28 Feb 1997 17:42:19 -0600
From: Susan Swan 
Subject:      Re: Stuart
To: [email protected]

My toast is raised along with yours, Charles, in joy and sadness, in
celebration of the spirit of Stuart -- who lives on within us, and most
especially in you, dear Walter, as you grieve.  You carry Stuart's touch of
sweetness to us all. --Susan

***

Date:         Sat, 1 Mar 1997 19:36:40 +0200
From: Anita Konkka 
Subject:      Re: Stuart
To: [email protected]

Dear Walter,

I am with you in your sorrow. I too feel sad, but I am also grateful to
Stuart, because he shared his illness and dreams, an inner process, with us
in the DreamEvent. I met an eternal part of him trough his dreams. I loved
the beauty of them. Now, when he has gone I understand how deep and real
was the contact with the members of the  group.

"Perhaps that is what death is: total immersion in some original dream"
(Arnold Mindell). That day when Stuart died, in Finland was a night, and I
dreamt about three men close to me, they all came to say  farewell to me.
They were: my late father, who died in the cancer twenty-five years ago; my
ex-fiancéé, who said in the dream, he must moved away; and my ex-lover, who
was ill, he lurched to the railway station. I awoke and wondered, who is
going to die soon: me or somebody close to me?

Perhaps my dreambody was with Stuart when he left  this world??

With warm regards
Anita

***

Date:         Sat, 1 Mar 1997 13:41:03 -0500
From: Marie Tondreau 
Subject:      Re: Stuart
To: [email protected]

Walter,

I too come to be with you in your sorrow, to reach out a virtual hand to
hold for a moment in the midst of the loss and the letting go.  Stuart was
a beautiful soul, and the depth of the friendship between you moved me
deeply. The sharing of his death -- first with him, in the DreamEvent, now
through you in this circle -- is a sadsweet privilege.  He is an image
within me of glowing color and intricate texture and passionate musicality,
and that image is a treasured one that is not diminished by his departure
from this world, although the knowledge of his leaving brings sadness.  I
think of you, erasing his link to this psyberworld, and I hurt inside for
you, and I am glad for you, to have this intimate way of saying farewell.
I think of the words of Kalil Gibran in _The Prophet_: <> and I hope
this is true for you, that facing the sorrow of his loss will open space
for the joy of his being to live on within you.

Right now, I envision Stuart walking across the blue water of his dream
into the infinite sky, away from the House of Life, serene and at peace ...

and I am weeping, and the tears are a gift ...

with my love,

Marie

***

Date:         Sat, 1 Mar 1997 13:06:53 -0800
From: Sieur de Cyberie 
Organization: poete et philosophe en cyberie
Subject:      Re: Stuart
To: [email protected]

Walter and others,

I want to add my thoughts and prayers for Stuart's new journey. Since I
believe that our essence is not limited to this time and place, that the
daemon/soul/self are not bounded by biology on planet Earth, I see Stuart
as shifting gears into an altered state.  Though his body has ceased, he
still has an impact upon us that continues (therefore he continues).
Hillman has some good ideas that help accept death of the body with an
acceptable grief for our loss.  We have lost.  As a member of the
DreamEvent, I feel an even greater loss for having him become part of my
dreamworld and my thoughts about the dreamworld.

Walter, I will be writing you shortly off-list (I have had server problems
that has kept this news from me until yesterday, problems which didn't
allow me to send mail until now).  I wish that I could do more than just
send these words.  I remember the *virtual* rocking we did for a member
last spring in her time of need, a group embrace for comfort. Please accept
a bear-hug from me in this virtual space, a hug I would definitely share in
a f2f encounter.  We are brothers in our own fashion.

Robert de Cyberie

***

Date:         Sat, 1 Mar 1997 13:25:28 -0800
From: Sieur de Cyberie 
Subject:      Re: Email.
To: [email protected]

Wilbur Streett wrote:

> So are you still there?

Yes.

> Will you respond?

Done.

> Only time will tell..

Time?  Time does not speak ... we speak in our relation to the voices of
our world ... we speak in our relation to the silences ...

Time?  a mechanicaltechnological face of our revolt against the temporality
of our journey through this aspect of being.  I wonder what Stuart could
tell us now about time?

My tears still fall for my loss / our loss of his being in this place.  I
listen to the soundtrack of BRAVEHEART and burn incense in his honour.

Robert de Cyberie

***

Date:         Sat, 1 Mar 1997 15:38:29 -0500
From: "Lisa D. McCulley" 
Subject:      Re: Stuart
To: [email protected]

.....
now take back the soul
of Stuart Currie

too briefly he touched us

he was not ours
yet his light lives in us



Is'e
sending light and love
and memories of other friendships
too soon gone dark

***

Date:         Sun, 2 Mar 1997 01:16:47 -0000
From: Josh On 
Subject:      Stuart
To: [email protected]

Walter and all,

Hi, I was going to write tis just to walter, but after all the lovely posts
I thought that it would be more appropriate to write here in Psybernet.

I just want to say a few words about how I remember Stuart, (I wish I said
more of this to him while he was still here, but I guess that is always the
way).  I always felt really comfortable about Stuart.  Not comfortable as
in nice and boring comfortable, because talking to Stuart was more often
than not really stimulating and often educational.  Comfortable in the
sense that I could be myself whether that meant being silly or serious.

When he lived at Chester Street (I am Walter's son) with us and I was
teenager and while not as raucous as some, still annoying enough I am sure.
I am not sure how it was for him!, but I always appreciated having him
around. He was cool, he had underground comics and books on art, and he
loved music.  I always thought of him as extremely wise.  I mean anyone who
was into fat freddy's cat as well as classical music and psychotherapy had
to be pretty damn hip!

I also remember listening to (and sometimes joining in on) conversations
with him Walter and other flatmates about life, and art and movies and
psychodrama and whatever and being entranced by the wisdom in these
moments.  They were definitely very important times for me and I want to
thank Stuart for that!

I am sure that the ongoing talks and dinners and celebrations - the
friendship that Walter had with Stuart will be missed.  And I really feel
for you right now Walter.  Lots of love to you and Kate, from both Tini and
me!

Thanks everyone for writing in such lovely posts.

Bye Stuart, I'll miss you!

Josh

***

Date:         Sat, 1 Mar 1997 21:14:51 EST
From: "James V. Dimmick" <[email protected]>
Subject:      Re: Stuart
To: [email protected]

To All:

This has been a most moving week to end up February of 1997

From the first posting "Re: Stuart" -- (I read Walters first) -- I took the
liberty of placing my drum near the computer and as the days went by, did a
minutes sounding as I read each posting.

Stuart, you certainly broke any silence the group found itself in.  And as
we start up again I am certain we will have found a new and deeper heading
for our thoughts.

            email f2f sounds
            like wind over water
            sea to sea to sea
            yes, i listen, but just listen, but just listen

                         jim

***

Date:         Sun, 2 Mar 1997 12:28:14 EST
From: Jurek Korski <[email protected]>
Subject:      Stuart
To: [email protected]

Walter,
My thoughts are with You and your ongoing conversation with Stuart

Jurek Korski

***

Date:         Mon, 3 Mar 1997 05:00:14 GMT
From: Walter Logeman 
Subject:      life & death
To: [email protected]

All,

I am moved deeply by the posts.  They help me to feel, to laugh, to cry,
and to be still.  Birth and now a death here in Psyber-L are important, for
many of us it would seem.  Reading here, brings home the richness of
Stuart's life, of all life, and at the same time the pain and loss of
endings.  The spirit of the DreamEvent seems to integrate with the life
here in the Psybernet Mailing List.  It has been good for me to recall that
time and read over some of the posts, which continue to reveal.  I will
read one of Stuart's dreams, Alladin's Cave, at the funeral tomorrow.  (I
am committed to completing the work and the web version of the DreamEvent
will be on the web, I wish it was there now )

~

In my office, with half an hour before my next client, I am wondering if I
can do conselling today.  I just read more of the posts as they arrive
about Stuart, and notice the flowers on my window sill.  They both bring
the tears.

~

I am disturbed at how hidden this virtual place is from the life around me.
I printed out some of Stuart's writing and tributes, and put them in his
house, where his body is until the funeral. Pages in a folder do not hint
at what I experience here.  I find the solitude here, shared as it is,
sacred and comforting.

Separation from others in rl is part of (the price of?) having a virtual
space.  I notice that others even in rl are in their grief alone, and in
their own way.  And like here, what others are doing in private is to some
extent unknown.

Perhaps the time for coming together is at the funeral tomorrow.

Thanks to those who wrote, and also those who have joined in silence... it
seems more obvious that there are such people. Just great to hear from
people who I have not heard from for a while... what a death does for the
living, at least in this case.

Walter

Walter Logeman          [email protected]
http://www2.chch.planet.org.nz/~walter/welcome.htm

***

Date: Mon, 3 Mar 1997 12:06:05 EST
From: WFSchmidt <[email protected]>
Subject:  Life & Death
To: [email protected]

Hi all,

some years ago I came across the following phrase:

"You can only live in the face of death"

Life is like water in a bucket. But the bucket has holes. As long as we are
young, the water level doen't seem to change and we are wasting water
because we don't know how precious it can be. Later, more holes develop and
at some point we realize that the water level has fallen faster than
expected. That's when many begin to use the remaining water in a more
conscious manner. We become aware more intensively of what life has in
store for us and we begin to appreciate even the tiniest insect that
crosses our path.

So let's live!

Here a Haiku by Teitoku (1570-1653) who wrote as his death verse

My dew-drop life,-
it is disappearing;
The garments in the jewelled chest
can never again be put on;
This is the Law.

Regards, FRITZ

***

Date:         Wed, 5 Mar 1997 12:30:20 GMT
From: Walter Logeman 
Subject:      Re: life & death
To: [email protected]

Ronni

<<< snipped >>>

> Thank you, Walter, for sharing your grief at  Stuart's passing,

That's ok!  I think I'd share most things here, but in particular those
things that relate to the *here* in this realm of cyberspace.  For me he
was present here particularly as he shared some of his experiences with
cancer.  Most of this happened in a forum related to Psybernet, the
DreamEvent, a time limited group, now ended, and thus this forum is the
place for us to share.

> but more
> importantly for sharing the wonderful person that Stuart was for those of us
> who didn't have the privilege of knowing him.  Our lives have been enriched
> because of his presence in them.

The funeral today was a marvel.  Outdoors, and for almost two hours there
were tributes and songs and stories.

I will, in time post up some references to Stuart's writing.

Walter

Walter Logeman          [email protected]
http://www2.chch.planet.org.nz/~walter/welcome.htm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~