Being in love, having a soul mate, experiencing romance and marriage is profound and can be the most significant and beautiful thing in life. Love is the basis of family life. If love goes wrong it is painful!
a good relationship heals individuals
Yet we get little training in making our relationships work. It is a cruel myth that if we meet the right person we will live happily ever after. Relationships have bumps, troubles and struggles. Relationships go through stages. We need to consciously attend to our connection. It is an science and an art, there is always more to learn. This is not a bad thing.
Our relationship difficulties are the catalyst for opening up our emotions, healing old patterns and learning new skills. A relationship crisis is an opportunity for creating a new loving place in your life. You will need help, we all do, love can be blind.
I am a relationship therapist and I work in a way that will suit you.
Should you both come to a session, or do therapy on your own?
By far the most effective way to heal a relationship - and to grow and develop is to come to therapy together. If that just can't happen you can still save your relationship if you work at it on your own. In my work I honour the committed relationship you are in. Together or on your own you can:
Learn to step into the shoes of the other - how to express deep empathy.
Understand projection and how to withdraw it!
Learn effective communication about feeling, express your truth and have it heard.
Identify the central experience that is painful in the relationship and exploring its roots.
Learn alternatives to blame, shame and criticism.
Learn how to validate your partner so they feel understood.
Avoid compromise that is crippling.
Learn to better engage a reluctant partner to do relationship psychotherapy.
Explore and learn how to heal hurts from the past that impact badly on the relationship.
Learn to receive love, develp romance, have fun.
Learn how to find a lasting connection, how to approach commitment.
The main thing: Call on your loving selves, deepest truth, truest yearnings and letting that energy come through.
If you are in a relationship that needs attention (or even if it is fine), consider showing this page to your partner. You may decide on some work together, or you may do individual work, and it is best if that is open and clear between you. I am convinced that good psychotherapy is good for the relationship and a good relationship heals individuals.
At the point of a relationship ending there is a time of bargaining. Is it over or not? On the one hand it might be painful but healthy to end it (this is especially true if there is excessive drug use or violence). On the other hand, and this is very common, your relationship might be in need of therapy and attention. Relationships suffer from deferred maintenance.
The old fashioned idea that you need to sort yourself out
(or that your partner needs to sort themselves out) before
you can have a healthy relationship is wrong, it assumes
individuals are islands, not clusters of connections. It
is another cruel myth, sadly perpetuated to this day by
many well-meaning people.
I am a registered psychotherapist, a trainer in Psychodrama and an Imago therapist. I am committed to make every session work for you and your relationship.
I look forward to hearing from you!